Winter in Summer: Finding Warmth,Safety, and Solidarity After Bondi
By Adam Carrozza December 16, 2025
The lights of Hanukkah are meant to defy the darkness. They are a symbol of survival, of a small miracle that stretched beyond what seemed possible.
On Sunday, an unspeakable tragedy moved through Bondi - again…….
But as we survey the aftermath, we are seeing something else, something that hatred can never extinguish: the irrepressible human instinct to heal.
The aftermath has left us reeling. If I’m being honest, the silence in the consulting room and the streets feels heavier this time. Perhaps that is because it hasn't even been two years since we faced similar darkness in April 2024. When trauma touches the same wound twice, the nervous system doesn’t just react; it remembers.
As we sit in this moment, I want to talk to you not just as a practitioner, but as another human being, about what we are feeling, why we are hurting, and how we can hold each other through this "Internal Winter" in the middle of our Australian summer.
The Instinct to Heal: Why We Run Toward Each Other
In the last 48 hours, amidst the horror, we have seen something profound. We’ve seen queues for blood donations. We’ve seen strangers checking on strangers. We’ve seen a flood of support for our Jewish community.
This isn’t just "community spirit"—it is biology.
For a long time, psychology focused heavily on the "Fight or Flight" response. But there is another survival mechanism, identified by researchers like Dr. Shelley Taylor, called "Tend-and-Befriend."
When humans are threatened, particularly by violence that aims to divide us, our bodies release oxytocin—the bonding hormone—alongside our stress hormones. This chemical cocktail drives us to do two things:
● Tend: To protect the vulnerable (our children, the grieving, the targeted).
● Befriend: To seek out our "tribe" for mutual defense and comfort.
This is why you might feel a desperate urge to hug your kids, call your parents, or just be around people right now. It is your biology trying to lower your cortisol. It is the best of our nature rising up to meet the worst of it.
The Symptom Checklist: What to Expect
While our collective spirit is strong, our individual nervous systems are taking a hit. If you are feeling "off" today, I want to validate that. You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal event.
Because this is the second major tragedy in our area recently, we are dealing with Cumulative Trauma. Bondi has been violated on two occasions in less than two years, and that loss of perceived safety takes a toll. Over the next few weeks, you might notice:
● Hyper-vigilance: You might find yourself scanning crowds, watching exits, or jumping at loud noises. Your brain’s threat-detection center (the amygdala) is currently stuck in the "ON" position.
● The Freeze Response: A sense of numbness or unreality. You might feel like you are watching your life through a pane of glass. This is your brain’s way of dosing the pain so you don’t feel it all at once.
● Emotional Whiplash: You might go from weeping to feeling irritable about traffic in the span of ten minutes. This displacement of anger is common.
The Strategy: If you recognise these signs, please, lower the bar. Now is not the time for peak performance. I often tell clients to use the "3-Day Rule." For the first 72 hours after a shock, if you are fed, hydrated, and safe, you are winning. Do not try to "process" the trauma yet; just support your physiology.
Winter Well-being in December
This brings me to a concept, let's call it the Internal Winter.
It is mid-December, ten days out from Christmas. We are told we should be out, loud, and celebrating. But grief demands hibernation. There is a massive dissonance right now between the bright, high-energy summer outside and the cold, quiet need for retreat inside.
To support your well-being right now, you need to give yourself permission to hibernate.
● Retreat if you need to: It is okay to say no to the Christmas party. It is okay to close the blinds against the glare. Your nervous system restores itself in the quiet, not the noise.
● Seek Warmth: Surround yourself with "your" people—friends and family who don't need you to put on a brave face.
● Low-Sensory Environments: Our brains are currently processing high volumes of threat data. Give your mind a break by spending time in nature, or in quiet, dimly lit spaces.
● Turn off the News: Avoid watching the TV in search of answers. Endlessly searching for information to explain the "whys" of the attack on the Jewish community often doesn't provide clarity; it just keeps your nervous system in a state of alarm.
The Futility of Hatred and the Power of Solidarity
Finally, we must address the nature of this tragedy. Targeted violence, specifically the anti-semitism we saw on Sunday, is designed to make people feel alone. It is designed to fracture communities.
But if the goal of this violence was to divide us, it has failed. If anything, it has reminded us of exactly who we are as Australians.
Hatred and intolerance go against the very grain of our culture. We are a people built on the concept of a "fair go"—a value system that demands respect, inclusion, and looking out for your mate, regardless of their background or faith. When one part of our community is attacked, the Australian instinct is not to retreat, but to form a protective ring around them.
We are seeing that right now. We are seeing a rejection of this darkness that is absolute and unanimous. We are standing up to say: This is not us. This has no place here.
To our Jewish community in Bondi and beyond: We see you. We are with you.
To the wider community: This is the time to embrace our Jewish neighbours.
● Check-in: A simple text saying, "I’m thinking of you, no need to reply," goes a long way.
● Stand Guard: Not literally, perhaps, but emotionally. When we speak up against hate speech, when we show up to vigils, we are rebuilding the sense of safety that was stolen.
Moving Forward
We don't "get over" events like Sunday. We grow around them. We integrate them into the story of who we are.
Bondi is a place of incredible beauty, but its true strength has always been its people. We have rebuilt before, and we will do it again.
Be gentle with yourselves this week. Look out for the people who are usually the "strong ones"—they need checking on too.
Let’s take it one hour at a time, together.
Need to talk? If the feelings become too much, please reach out.
● Lifeline: 13 11 14
● Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
● Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800